My darling Imani,
Imani… I can’t believe you are 5 already! That’s half a decade! How times as gone by so fast! They say you don’t see the time passing when you are having fun… and what an amazing time it has been since you came into our lives 🙂 I know it’s strange to be reading this, but I wanted to take the time to write to you, talk to you heart to heart. Muffin, I don’t think if you can imagine how much joy you have brought us.
I remember that cold autumn evening, it’s still so vivid in my memory, you came and life has never been the same. I remember being at the hospital with Papa and Aline, ready to welcome you. I was so scared… but also so anxious and excited to finally meet you. I couldn’t wait to hold you in my arms. I had decided that I would have a water birth, to make the transition gentle for you. All was set, I was ready, and so were you, with only 3 breathes you came into the world. But my heart stopped and panic took over when I didn’t hear a sound. See, I’d always heard that when a baby is born, they let out a cry, and so all along I was excepting that. I could see Aline holding you, I could see the young assisting midwife panicky and shouting something at her. But it was all hazy and I didn’t understand what was happening. I looked up at Papa, I could read panic on his face, although he was telling me that everything was alright. I could see that even he was not convinced of his own words. I remember Aline ordering the assisting midwife to move to the other side of the room, then waving Papa over to her so as to take you in his arms. I couldn’t see what they were doing to you. I was crying uncontrollably, my heart was pounding, and for a moment, I thought the worst. I called out to God and everyone else I could imagine… “please don’t let this be happening… this can’t be happening!” And as if He heard me, it came… the highest pitched cry I had ever heard! Oh… the relief! Papa looked over at me, his smile reassuring, and I knew I could breath.
As I held you in my arms that night, all quiet, calm and peaceful, a warmth filled my heart. I wanted to cry, to laugh, to scream, to dance… I wanted to stay in that moment forever – holding you like that forever. I wanted to love you to the end of time… and beyond! I never knew how much love my heart could hold… and still don’t, because with every passing minute, of every passing day, I love you more and more. You are my everything! And I would do anything for you Muffin!
I know you will grow up to be a phenomenal young lady. I know you are destined for great things. Don’t be scared to follow your dreams, don’t be scared to take the leap, break the rules, colour outside the lines. Don’t let anyone tell you that you can’t, because you can! Don’t wish… do!! And guess what?… I will be there, every single moment, every step of the way, cheering you on… even when I will not be there!
And so today as you turn 5, I want you to know that you are the ‘specialest’ little girl in the world. I am sure you will enjoy being 5… it’s the best!! I wish you nothing but a year full of all the things that make you happy! I pray that you get to see many more birthdays, and eat loads more cake. I am so blessed to have you call me mama, and am so very proud of you my darling Imani! Never forget that!
All my love,
PS: At the time of my writing this, ‘specialest’, was not a real word! So don’t use it… unless now it is. xx